The Planet

Worst Movie Ever ?!

A little light relief…..

Warning…. I am serious… there is a major spoiler at the end of this review of Star Wars….. you have been warned.

I went to see Rogue One, Star Wars 8,564, or some number like that… and it is the same plot, the same dialog and the same tired action scenes as the first movie…. the only difference is that there is a girl is playing Luke Skywalker’s part.

I do not know the actresses name, but she played it as if she were wanting to be somewhere else.

She was bland and boring and totally unmemorable and she was too busy trying to look attractive, even in the most tense of scenes. She also was the leader of her merry band of forgetful faces and she had all the authority of an off duty traffic warden.

This rebel girl hero suffered all the ills and deprivations of the rebels and fought tooth and nail… but her hair was always lovely and she even had lots of time for a Botox lippy.

As a matter of fact none of the cast stood out at all. They all played their parts like robots, well the chap with the accent tried.

The fact that they used the long dead Peter Cushing in the movie and made using CGI was clever but stupid and unnecessary and the two second clip of R2D2 and C3PO was gratuitous, moronic and pathetic.

The plot was over complicated, at the start, as they movie roamed across many planets with many characters, none of whom was memorable to steal the plans for a planet killer and save the universe….. and throw in lots of action shots of spaceships… except the special effects were poor…. and not nearly as good as many TV special effects.

SPOILER?….

The last scenes are of all the heroes attacking the huge castle which looks exactly like the Lord of the Rings set, but not as good and, one by one all the band of brothers were killed off… no one was spared…. all of them died…. even the comic relief chap died…. I lied, there was NO comic relief.

But the ending was great…. the girl and the male hero fought their way into the huge castle, got the data that was needed, sent it up to the friendly spaceships and the space ships flew away with the data….. and left the two ‘so called’ heroes to die…. and die they did…. but they died in each other’s arms…. ahh… (they will probably be reincarnated if the movie makes money)

So the movie kills everyone…. and I mean everyone in the movie was killed at the end…. only the Darth Vader character, the baddie, survived…..

The last scene really is a stinker though…. the good soldiers, none of whom were in any of the shots of the movie until the end….. got a disk of the data and ran with it, whilst being slaughtered all the while, to a solitary figure who just happened to be…. Princess Leah…. who said that the data would bring ‘hope’

Er, except, it wasn’t Princess Leah, it wasn’t even Carrie Fisher…. it was a cartoon CGI character made to look like Princess Leah….

Being generous… I would give this movie 3/10…. what a stinker. Star Wars fans will probably love it…. and I really am a fan too…. but this was a soulless, made for money movie without passion of direction and left me unmoved and out of pocket.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *